The Years That Grew Us
We're celebrating 21 years of marriage today, which feels both like a really long time and like it somehow went by in the blink of an eye.
We've been through a lot in those 21 years. We've raised kids, navigated hard seasons, learned some lessons the hard way, and changed quite a bit along the way.
But one thing I really love about our marriage now is how much we laugh.
It wasn't always that way. There were seasons when laughter wasn't exactly at the top of the list. But we've found our way back to it, and I hope we never let it leave again.
So for this year's anniversary post, I decided to ask Kevin and myself the same 21 questions. Not a “who knows who best” kind of thing. Just 21 questions about our life, our marriage, the things we've experienced, and maybe a few things that will make us laugh.
We answered separately, and neither of us has seen the other's answers.
Here we go...
1. Who is more likely to make the other person laugh?
Kevin: Kevin is the funniest S.O.B. ever
Vicky: Definitely Kevin! He’s always been a jokester.
2. What is something I do that you find ridiculously funny, even after all these years?
Kevin: I do all kinds of funny things. See question 1.
Vicky: I honestly have no clue what Kevin would think I do that is ridiculously funny. He laughs at me for a lot of things 😂
Do you see what I have to live with!! 😂😂
3. What is one of our inside jokes that would make absolutely no sense to anyone else?
Kevin: When I say “You Bitch”
Vicky: I don’t think we have an inside joke. If you count Office references then yes, but a lot of people would understand those 🤷♀️😂
I had forgot about that. You B@$%# is definitely an inside joke that no one would get and think he means it!
4. Who is more likely to start laughing at the worst possible time?
Kevin: Absolutely Kevin
Vicky: Definitely Kevin! And especially if he is standing next to our youngest child 😂
5. If we had to spend an entire day doing only one thing together, what would you choose?
Kevin: Naked Time!
Vicky: Well, if it was up to Kevin, I can’t write down what he would say because this is a pg blog 😉
But I would choose anything where we could be together! I’m a simple girl 😊
I told you he was going to say that 😉
6. What is one thing you think your spouse would say is your most annoying habit? 😂
Kevin: Snoring (out of my control)
Vicky: That I say I’m sorry for everything even the things that I have absolutely no control over.
He is correct!
7. What is one thing you think your spouse would say you are really good at?
Kevin: Being a Dad
Vicky: He would say I am good at caring for others.
He's correct about this one too 😊 He's an amazing dad.
8. What is something you think your spouse would choose as their favorite memory from our marriage?
Kevin: Visiting Niagara Falls
Vicky: His favorite memory from our marriage, he would probably say was having our children
I loved that trip to Niagara Falls! It was our honeymoon, and I didn't want to live in a hotel for a week (which he had found close to the falls), so my wonderful husband found us a better accomadation. The first day we went to the falls, my husband made sure to point out the hotel we would have stayed at, if I hadn't been so adamanet about not living in one for a week, that was RIGHT next to the falls 🤦♀️😂Needless to say, he has usually picked out where we are staying if we go somewhere since then!
9. What is one season of our life together that you didn't appreciate enough while you were in it?
Kevin: Probably when the kids were little
Vicky: Definitely our first years married. I was so focused on having babies right away that I didn’t really savor those newlywed years.
10. What is something about your spouse that you understand now that you didn't understand when you were younger?
Kevin: Just how stubborn she really is
Vicky: Something about Kevin I understand now that I didn’t understand then is he has to get frustrated and probably swear, and then he can get over it. And it doesn’t mean he’s mad at me 😜
I am a really stubborn person 😂 And I had NO idea until I had my first child!
11. What is one season of our marriage you would go back and relive? Why?
Kevin: When the kids were little. I would love to change some of the stupid things said and done. I was a bit lost and forgot just how important she was to me. I figured it out, but seeing how it impacted her pains me.
Vicky: When our kids were young. I would go back to experience our children young again of course, but I would go back and put Kevin first more. The kids were a priority, but sometimes maybe too much over Kev.
Hey! We actually have the same answer ❤️
12. What is one thing we did together that our younger selves would be surprised to know we'd eventually do?
Kevin: Nothing surprises me!
Vicky: Fly in a hot air balloon together 😃
13. What is one of the hardest things we've walked through together?
Kevin: Losing my mom
Vicky: Like any couple, there is more than one season of hard. It was hard to find our way back to each other when we realized we were roommates and not lovers. It was hard to walk through our miscarriage. And it was really hard to navigate losing your mom very suddenly.
I wish more than anything we didn't have the same answer to this question. Losing Kevin's mom was very difficult 😔
14. What is something that got us through a difficult season?
Kevin: Remembering that we are best friends and that we both held our vows sacred
Vicky: Something that got us through a difficult season is laughter and knowing that we are each other's safe place to process through the difficult.
15. What is one ordinary memory from our marriage that has become more meaningful to you over time?
Kevin: Grocery dates. I always thought it was silly but have come to realize that even that hour or so one on one with my wife is important. I look forward to grocery dates.
Vicky: The way we can just be in the same room together and not have to say a word. Just being next to each other doing whatever we are doing.
I LOVE our grocery dates! For years now, we make it a point to go do the grocery's together and I look forward to it every week 😊
16. What is something about our marriage that you're more grateful for now than you were 21 years ago?
Kevin: Just how much she is my biggest cheerleader
Vicky: The way we are able to communicate with each other and the way we can make each other laugh at just about anything.
17. What is one thing you hope never changes about us?
Kevin: How much we laugh
Vicky: That we will always love being together, and we can have fun just doing an ordinary thing like going to the grocery store 🙂
See, those grocery dates have made an inpact 😂
18. What do you think we've learned about love that we didn't know when we got married?
Kevin: How much our love for each other actually matters. Makes even the worst days better.
Vicky: I think we’ve learned that love isn’t the grand gestures, it’s the little things done over time that makes our love stronger. And I also think we have learned that love is not getting offended easily; but it is listening with intention and putting someone else’s needs in front of your own sometimes.
19. What do you think we're better at now than we were 21 years ago?
Kevin: Understanding each of our thought processes
Vicky: We are definitely better at communicating and not shutting down when something is wrong.
This is defintely an area where we have grown the most. Those younger married years were HARD with both of us digging our heels in not understanding where the other one was coming from.
20. If you could tell the two people who got married 21 years ago one thing, what would you tell them?
Kevin: Tough out even the worst times. It is absolutely worth it.
Vicky: I would tell those two people not to give up on each other. Times will get hard, but not giving up will bring you to the other side of something wonderful!
❤️❤️❤️
21. After 21 years, what does our marriage mean to you?
Kevin: She is my everything. My best friend, my confidant, my cheerleader and my lover. I can’t imagine walking through life without her.
Vicky: It means safety and security, love and laughter, and steadiness. You are my favorite person, and I love this life with you 😘
He's my lobster 🥰🥰 Who knows that reference?!
Reading through our answers, I was reminded that 21 years of marriage isn't about having everything figured out.
It's about growing up together. Learning. Getting it wrong. Finding your way back to each other. Making a life in the middle of all the ordinary and unexpected things that come along with it.
And laughing.
A lot of laughing.
I'm really grateful for these 21 years, for the roots we've grown, and for the person sitting beside me through all of it.
Here's to whatever the next years hold. ❤️
